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Semangat yang hilang....

Tak tahu nak mula tulis entry nie macam mana, but definitely it has to be in Malay plus English (my English sucks now).... I still miss Brisbane (bila nak mula study - kenangan itu datang tanpa dipinta), maybe sebab life as a student was much much more better there for me (for the past two years there).... But I'm glad that I'm here too, near to my mum & dad, near to my family & everyone that I love.

Syukur alhamdulillah juga kerana I managed to get a good supervisor at UUM. Although everyone keeps on telling me that he is a "pushy" guy, I like the way he works. I need someone to push me along the way of doing my PhD. I told him that I do not mind if he keeps calling me - tells me to do this and that - so I know that I have a dateline and I'm working on it. He always reminds me not to feel guilty of what ever happened in the past (regarding my study at QUT) because for him, doing PhD is nasib, ada yang bernasib baik dan ada juga yang akan mengalami masalah. The most important thing is - never give up. He told me that I took the best step (although it was a hard decision to make at that time) when I had a problem at QUT - and that decision was- coming back home & finished my study in Malaysia. There were several students who had the same problem like me but they stayed there (oversea) until the end of the scholarship & got nothing to bring back - and they do face a lot of problem later on.

But not everyone knows what happened to me after I came back to Malaysia. Not everyone knows that I had to fight with my sponsors in order to resume my study here (at UUM) as they promised before. I really think that people are talking about me without knowing the full story. And they keep on talking, passing the story around.... I don't mind because I believe setiap dugaan yang datang akan lebih mendewasakan kita dalam kehidupan ini. Setiap insan akan diuji tak kiralah di mana-mana pun, dan ujian yang datang for me bentuknya macam ini. I redha atas apa yang berlaku. To orang yang bercerita bukan-bukan, tak tahu hujung pangkal, satu hari nanti kita pun tak tahu dugaan apa yang akan kita terima kan?

To those yang bersaing (sapa siap PhD lebih cepat), I'm definitely bukan saingan korang. I'll take much longer time to complete my study. So, takyah ler nak berlumba-lumba dengan diriku ini. I like to compete with myself, so tomorrow should be better than today. Pelik jugak perangai manusia nie, takleh tengok orang lain lebih. Kenapa agaknya? Kenapa kita suka tengok orang lain susah, ketinggalan daripada kita etc.? Kenapa tak bersaing secara sihat? Kenapa mesti iri hati & cemburu pada kejayaan orang lain? Pelik la....

Bila semangat kita hilang, it will take several months to recover. I guess, I'm still in that process. Recovering process.... It is hard, very hard & tough, and I have to face it.... because life still goes on....

Maya, ganbatte.... Aja aja fighting (bak kata Kak Ita).


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